what have i done. what can i do. i'm falling apart.
something has to change.
life cannot go on like this.
life cannot go on like this.
Saturday, January 19, 2002
happiness is just around the corner, the sun will come up tomorrow, blah blah blah blah blah.
"perhaps it would be wiser to tell our children that happiness, just like anything else on this concrete expanse of city, is earned. through diligence, hard work and perseverence."
"but they're children."
"they deserve the truth."
"the truth? our children should live pleasant lives, coddled away from the more painful aspects of modern civilization. don't take away santa claus and magic and fantasy. you grew up with it. i did, too. we turned out fine, didn't we, dear?"
"the magic? the cinderella fantasy? who does it come true for, honey? who?"
"it must have happened for someone. after all, we all still believe in it."
"we all? i gave it up a long time ago."
"aren't you happy? you and i, we live a good life, don't we?"
"it's all good and dear, honey. but we worked for this. hours upon hours of our lives, that's what each piece of furniture, each appliance, each bill represents to me."
"hours we spent together, in our store, working and sweating, tired. i cherish every moment. you and our children made every second worthwhile."
"my high school friends didn't have to work 16 hour days, 7 days a way, 365 days a year. i married you because i loved you. more than anything in the world. i still do. but i don't ever want my children leading this life."
dreams. tell me yours. and i'll tell you mine.
"perhaps it would be wiser to tell our children that happiness, just like anything else on this concrete expanse of city, is earned. through diligence, hard work and perseverence."
"but they're children."
"they deserve the truth."
"the truth? our children should live pleasant lives, coddled away from the more painful aspects of modern civilization. don't take away santa claus and magic and fantasy. you grew up with it. i did, too. we turned out fine, didn't we, dear?"
"the magic? the cinderella fantasy? who does it come true for, honey? who?"
"it must have happened for someone. after all, we all still believe in it."
"we all? i gave it up a long time ago."
"aren't you happy? you and i, we live a good life, don't we?"
"it's all good and dear, honey. but we worked for this. hours upon hours of our lives, that's what each piece of furniture, each appliance, each bill represents to me."
"hours we spent together, in our store, working and sweating, tired. i cherish every moment. you and our children made every second worthwhile."
"my high school friends didn't have to work 16 hour days, 7 days a way, 365 days a year. i married you because i loved you. more than anything in the world. i still do. but i don't ever want my children leading this life."
dreams. tell me yours. and i'll tell you mine.
Friday, January 18, 2002
"The other women, whatever.
"I was thinking that, they're just fantasies. You know? And they always seem really great, because there are never any problems. And if there are, they're cute problems, like we bought each other the same christmas present, or she wants to see a movie I've already seen. And then when I come home, and you and I have real problems. And you don't even want to see the movie, period.
"There's no lingerie.
"Oh yes, you do. You have great lingerie. But you also have the cotton underwear that's been washed a thousand times and is hanging on the thing, and. And they have it too, It's just I don't have to see it because it's not part of the fantasy.
"Do you understand?
"I'm tired of it. Of the fantasy. Because it doesn't really exist. And there are never really any surprises and it never really ... delivers. Right. And I'm tired of it. And I'm tired of everything else for that matter.
"But I don't ever seem to get tired of you."
-John Cusack
Watched High Fidelity again. Thought it set a proper tone for the rest of the blog.
I had once vowed never to keep one. Things change - the one true thing there is in life.
"I was thinking that, they're just fantasies. You know? And they always seem really great, because there are never any problems. And if there are, they're cute problems, like we bought each other the same christmas present, or she wants to see a movie I've already seen. And then when I come home, and you and I have real problems. And you don't even want to see the movie, period.
"There's no lingerie.
"Oh yes, you do. You have great lingerie. But you also have the cotton underwear that's been washed a thousand times and is hanging on the thing, and. And they have it too, It's just I don't have to see it because it's not part of the fantasy.
"Do you understand?
"I'm tired of it. Of the fantasy. Because it doesn't really exist. And there are never really any surprises and it never really ... delivers. Right. And I'm tired of it. And I'm tired of everything else for that matter.
"But I don't ever seem to get tired of you."
-John Cusack
Watched High Fidelity again. Thought it set a proper tone for the rest of the blog.
I had once vowed never to keep one. Things change - the one true thing there is in life.
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